Again the massive influence of Professor P.Brane is shown as he fights for world recognition for Ardrossan. At the moment he is in negotiations with Bernie Ecclescake to bring a Grand Prix to Ardrossan. Prof. P. Brane believes that Ardrossan should replace Monaco on the Formula 1 Grand Prix calendar and he is determined to make this happen.
This makes perfect sense as Ardrossan is situated on the coast the same as Monte Carlo. Also, although Monte Carlo has its casino, Salltcoats has the Apollo entertainment complex. As we we all now know, Prof.P. Brane has already secured top class hotel accommodation with the seven star Salsanesian Tower Hotel.
Of course the main problem in securing the endorsement of Ardrossan as a Grand Prix Centre is the weather. World celebrities such as the Beckhams, the Pitts and royalty do not appreciate wind and rain. It is bad for their hair and clothes. As expected Prof P.Brane has produced an ingenious solution.
He will build a series of ray guns on Arran. These guns will shoot a mass of laser beams into the sky and vapourise the rain clouds coming in during Ardrossan Grand Prix week. These beams will also provide a shelter wall from the sea winds.
Prof.P Brane plans to organise a mini Grand Prix first, to show to the world that Ardrossan stands ready to stage a full Formula 1 event. For this he has asked the assistance of the Technical Department’s 3rd year Craft and Design pupils.
He charged them with building scale model Formula 1 race cars and then having a mini Grand Prix to find the winner. As can be seen from the picture above the pupils have taken this task very seriously.
The picture shows Darren ‘the flyer’ Frye and Jordan ‘the Jet’ Lynch testing an F1 racing car down on the Promenade. This gave the boys invaluable experience and a real feel for race car design. The boys raised the money to buy the car by saving some of their pocket money, raffling off old toys and games. It must be emphasised that the car is last years model and therefore the price was reduced.
The challenge has been thrown down and accepted. Mr Anderson has challenged the champion Formula 1 driver of his 3rd year Craft and Design class to have a final race off against him.
This would mean that the winner produced by the knock out eliminator competition between the pupil’s racing cars would have to face Mr ‘eat my dust’ Anderson’s unbeatable car in the Super Final 2009.
The world’s media, gathered at Ardrossan for this great event, have been investigating the escalating war of words from by both sides.
Ed Norris, Head of sports for NBC of America asked Mr Anderson if it was true that he had stated that his class were a bunch of losers and that it was impossible for any of them to beat him in the final.
Mr ‘eat my dust’ Anderson allegedly replied, ‘I would never ever say a thing like that! What I did say was that my class are a total bunch of losers and that if they ever even dreamt of beating me then they had better wake up and apologise’.
Saturday night programs were held up while the following breaking news was broadcast to an expectant and grateful nation. It was a very inflammatory statement made by that famous F1 driver Darren ‘the flyer’ Frye. ‘Mr Anderson’s car is rubbish. My car and I are in good shape and I fully expect to win the preliminary competition then thrash Mr Anderson in the final.
When asked by Jeremy Paxman on Newsnight to comment on ‘the flyer’s statement Mr A responded with, ‘I will not lower myself into the gutter by giving a response to such comment. I will simply say that I have given the pupils all the help in the world with their cars. Of course, that was to ensure that they keep me in sight for as long as possible before I disappear over the horizon’.
There have been rumours and whispers that Mr A has devised a super advanced suction and vacuum plate for the underside of his F1 car. Some pupils believe that this would give his car a real boost in performance. If these rumours are true this plate would give ‘eat my dust’ a tremendous advantage. Various pupils have tried to find the secrets of this marvellous device, so far without success. When pressed on this subject by Paxman, Mr A retorted, ‘No comment’!
Press conference
Shown above are some of the racing drivers who are going to compete in the Ardrossan Grand Prix. These are pupils from Ardrossan Academy who are known for a high level of driving skill.
They are answering questions from the world’s media at the first press conference in the run up to this fantastic event.
Shown below is Krazy Kenny Blair with his newly finished Red Ripsaw F1 racer. It is commonly believed by most of the competitors that Krazy Kenny has as good a chance as anyone of winning the 2009 Ardrossan Grand Prix.
The losers er, I am sorry, the pupils racing cars are now finished and ready for testing. It is crucial that the cars come down Heartbreak Hill and go in a straight line and not veer to the right or to the left.
Shown opposite and below are some pictures of the pupils in practice.
Do their cars veer to the right or left?
What sort of modifications would correct veering?
Heartbreak Hill is a no expense spared, state of the art, top of the range starter mechanism ,built specifically for the fantastic 2009 Ardrossan Grand Prix.
At the start of the race, the pupils will set their racers against the gate at the top of the curved gravity ramp. The gate will then flip up to allow a fair start to the competing racers. The cars will then hurtle down the ramp and shoot of the end gaining a tremendous amount of speed.
The first one over the finishing line, in a best of three race session, will go on to the next round. Shown opposite, is Dylan and Douglas testing the gate release mechanism of Heartbreak Hill.
Select pictures to enlarge
After many weeks of work and endeavour, Jordan ‘The Jet’ Lynch has completed his F1 car design task.
The Blue Buzz Wagon is ready.
What are Jordan’s chances of winning the 2009 Grand Prix? Of course, Jordon believes he will win, but there are many contenders.
For instance the one shown below Jordan.
Scot, as is normal with Ardrossan Academy pupils, is always dreaming about schoolwork.
In this case it is about winning the 2009 Ardrossan Grand Prix.
Some mean-
Looking on, unhappily in second place, is David.
Top secret modifications have been made to the Silver Shark.
After successful trials it was evaluated that the top speed of the shark was not high enough.
These incredible changes, which now give the shark a tremendous amount of acceleration and top speed, will remain concealed until just before the big race.
Shown below is the canopy which hides these magnificent alterations from the prying eyes of desperate losers er, pupils.
I believe this allegation is totally justified, judging by the recent increase in
the sale of x-
Shown below is one of the photos taken by Owen Reynolds, Autosport Magazine’s top photographer. It shows five of the top contenders in their Grand Prix racing uniforms.
Select pictures to enlarge
Select pictures to enlarge
Some of the cars line up on the Grid
